In a strong relationship, the kind that goes the distance, people feel comfortable discussing delicate subjects. And even as you worry about whether he might be keeping his thoughts from you, you’re also keeping your thoughts from him. The more you ruminate about his potential turmoil, the more turmoil you create for yourself. What strikes me most about your letter, though, is the amount of emotional energy you’re putting into guessing your boyfriend’s state of mind. That’s why changes in those expectations can be jarring and threaten an entire relationship, as when one person in a longtime monogamous couple wants an open relationship-or, in the scenario you’re concerned about, when one person in a heterosexual relationship realizes (or comes to acknowledge) that he wants a same-sex partner instead. In intimate relationships, most people value the safety that comes from knowing what to expect from the other person. You have a lot of questions about your boyfriend’s sexuality, and feeling uneasy with this kind of uncertainty is natural.
#GAY CUM IN MY MOUTH DATING NOW FULL#
Should I stay with him and think about a future, knowing full well that he could tell me one day that he's actually gay and wants to be with a man, or that he wants to transition, and leave me with a bunch of baggage, such as getting a divorce (sharing custody of kids, finances), and time/energy/effort lost? How much should I invest in this relationship with those inconvenient truths that might very well be on the horizon? I have a very strong sneaking suspicion that he’s biding his time until his parents die or until he decides that he's going to come out to them as gay. I have no problem with people who identify in these ways, but I personally don’t have an interest in being romantically involved with someone who does. He sometimes acts effeminate and dresses extremely flamboyantly. Or that he's transgender and going to get a sex change. I'm worried that we will spend years together, possibly get married, have kids, and then he will come to grips that he is in fact actually gay.
He's been going to therapy for a couple of months now and occasionally makes jokes about how his body and mind are often in conflict, like when I return from traveling with an infectious cold and we can’t be intimate, and I have to scratch my head on that. I once asked him when we first started dating if he was with me to appease his family, whom he's very close with, and he said "Kind of" but that he still found me attractive. I’m worried because (a) he’s never been with a man before and being with me means he won't get that experience (assuming he doesn't cheat) and (b) he comes from an extremely religious family in the South who would likely not be able to accept his homosexuality (or even bisexuality). However, what I am concerned about is that he is using me as a stepping stone to acknowledging to himself that he is gay, or that he wants to be in a heterosexual relationship in order to reap the social benefits (having kids, generally being accepted in society, etc.). I knew this from the beginning because we met on a dating app and he had that clearly stated in his profile. My boyfriend of a year says he is bisexual.